End Of April

It's end of April...
We passes our monthly anniversary at mamak..
A white bueno for her.
I miss her very much...
I can see that,
she getting more slim.
she felt very tired.
her skin getting darker.
Now, im not with her like last time.
My heart feel so pain to see her like that.
I couldn't tell out my feeling...
I juz act like nothing...

I juz feel jealous that her time had contributed to St John.
Ya, I might be selfish...
I always think that why she want to give all her time to that?
Why not me??
Why she can sacrifice so much for St John...
I wanted to steal all the free time she have...
I want her so much.
I miss her so much
I love her so much.
Im a thief...
It is my wrong...

When she mention that,
after her competition we less have chance to meet up.
Or even got no chance...
My mind becomes blank.
When she mention that,
she wanted to take course for her adult,
I feel even more blank.
All she wan is to get knowledge n experience from the course.
I misunderstand it...

When she mention St John,
I only will think negative.
I forget that other than wasting time on training,
there's knowledge she can earn from certain activity..
Ya, if u wanted to go for it, go ahead...
I wont block u for gaining knowledge.

Recently, I seems cold to her.
She's trying to make things up,
and im giving cold respond.
What am I thinking?
Why am I like that?
Is it all because I wanted it to be used?
Or it is because the problem is from my ownself?
Am I thinking too much?

After I told her all my thought last night.
I guess she understand it very well.
Everything is settle..
I never think of dumping u before.
Baby, I love u...